Almost a year ago I came up with this brilliant idea of blogging.  The Big Life. Because I’m big, get it?  Big in spirit and yes, big in size.  At over 400 lbs. for the majority of my adult life, I’ve managed to fall in love (no way!!), marry (how can that be!?!?), and have a baby (now I KNOW you’re joking! You? YOU had a baby!?!).  I like to think I live the big life – I eat the cake (sometimes the whole thing); I buy the shoes; 44 years of living in this body with this heart surely has provided me with ample (pun intended) source material, right?

I have 2 Masters level degrees (Business Management and Education) with over $100K in unpaid student loans to show for it.  After over 15 years working in higher education, I now work as an assistant controller for a retail flooring company – about 55-60 hours a week, some from home most nights and weekends.  I also have a not so very successful side photography business.

I am the mother of an amazing 4-year-old superhero princess restaurateur who is THE most awesome person I have ever met or will ever meet.

I’m married 7 years now to my best friend, love of my life, best of husbands best of men.  He supports me and my craziness 100% of the time and despite working his own full-time 50 hours a week job takes such good care of me.  Seriously.  He’s a better wife than I am.

I’m more than slightly obsessed with Hamilton the musical and in particular with Lin-Manuel Miranda.  I find ways to work his name into conversation at least 3 times a day.  I’m just the perfect combination of cool and geeky, identifying with my weirdness and waving my freak flag far too easily.

I will admit that I lean a little heavily on the Type A side of the street: I like to be first and best and pretty much right all of the time.  My OCD likes things to be a certain way, the same steps, everyday.  I’m very much into patterns and habits.  I like sets of things to be complete – every season of whatever TV show I’m into at the time, every color available of my favorite shirt, and most recently every mystery pack of Care Bears ‘my daughter’ is collecting. And by ‘my daughter’ I mean I let her play with them.  Don’t get me started on Disney’s Tsum Tsums.

I say all this to justify why I thought I could blog, why I thought I’d have something interesting to say that somebody somewhere might want to read.

And yet it’s been almost a year, and the only ‘blog’ I have to show for it is a short praise of a Tim McGraw song – lyrics included.  I love song lyrics, actually.  It is the poetry of our generation, and it reminds me of my old My Space days which mostly consisted of me posting random song lyrics. Ah. My Space. Those were the days.

And so today when I’ve allowed myself in my working environment to feel less than, not worthy, and just downright stupid; today when all I want to do is eat 14 day after clearance gold Lindt Chocolate Easter bunnies – which I may or may not actually have at my desk right now; today when my once effortlessly optimistic spirit has been crushed and silenced; today I have decided to blog.

My how time flies when you’re having none – I mean, fun.  Yeah, that’s it. Fun.